Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
