hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
