Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize