I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
