i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
