did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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