i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
