there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize