You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You smell like stripper and shame
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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