I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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