are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
