just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
