She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
