It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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