meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
