I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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