haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
