he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
