is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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