do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
