There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
