I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
