You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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