I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
