All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
