it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
