i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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