Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
