so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
