I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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