I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
