I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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