Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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