Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
