whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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