Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
All the doctor said was why
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize