Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize