Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
