Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
