Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
