just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
