Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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