In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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