my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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