It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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