I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
