All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
