i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
