So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
