Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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