I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You ruined the universe
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
