i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
