Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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