Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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