If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
