The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
thus making me awesome and them whores
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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