is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
