Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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