My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
