i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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