it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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