Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize