between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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