New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize