did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
