the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
