Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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