running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
