Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
