I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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